my brother comes home in like 5 minutes.
im in the christmas spirit!
=)
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
i haven't felt this good in a while.
i hope it stays.
jamming to the maine's christmas ep.
energized!
clean room.
clean head.
keeping my distance.
i feel fantastic.
jamming to the maine's christmas ep.
energized!
clean room.
clean head.
keeping my distance.
i feel fantastic.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
a new beginning.
i've decided to start a new beginning.
i do not like the person i've become.
i've sinned far too much.
i do not like myself.
it's
time
to
start
over.
.
..
.
i do not like the person i've become.
i've sinned far too much.
i do not like myself.
it's
time
to
start
over.
.
..
.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
i'm so incredibly lost.
my life.
i grew up in a house. With a mother and a father and two older brothers. everything was normal. 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth. 2 ears and 2 sturdy legs to walk the earth with. i always loved how i was and how skinny i was. middle school came along and i realized i was different i still loved myself though. then high school rolled around and i feel worse than ever. i don't feel like i am anything. i'm such a small percent in this huge school. i'm not myself. i'm not even sure who myself is. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have been copying what everyone else has done. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have not been myself. so now, finally realizing this. i am stuck. what am i supposed to do? how do i go upon finding out who i am?
i'll post more later. just my thoughts as of now.
i grew up in a house. With a mother and a father and two older brothers. everything was normal. 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth. 2 ears and 2 sturdy legs to walk the earth with. i always loved how i was and how skinny i was. middle school came along and i realized i was different i still loved myself though. then high school rolled around and i feel worse than ever. i don't feel like i am anything. i'm such a small percent in this huge school. i'm not myself. i'm not even sure who myself is. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have been copying what everyone else has done. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have not been myself. so now, finally realizing this. i am stuck. what am i supposed to do? how do i go upon finding out who i am?
i'll post more later. just my thoughts as of now.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
photography is my escape.
when i'm shooting, everything goes away and i live in the moment.
over the last few months, especially.
i have fallen in a deep deep love with it.
it is something i can call mine.
whether you think i'm good or not.
it's mine.
.
.
.
over the last few months, especially.
i have fallen in a deep deep love with it.
it is something i can call mine.
whether you think i'm good or not.
it's mine.
.
.
.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I'm afraid.
of hurting someone.
of hurting you.
Do i care too much?
Is it the image?
Is it the thought that i might find someone better?
I'm as shallow as the piece of paper i scribble your name on.
of hurting you.
Do i care too much?
Is it the image?
Is it the thought that i might find someone better?
I'm as shallow as the piece of paper i scribble your name on.
Your bones
pressed so hard up against mine, i can feel every part of you.
Body heat exchanging.
In that moment, I had a small glince of hope.
Hope that maybe one i could like you as much as I once did.
You make me happy.
You're the only person that will play with my head.
I will sit there deciphering your thoughts.
I should take time to decipher my own thoughts about this whole thing.
Your fingers.
touching mine so gently.
Body heat exchanging.
Your thumb finds it's way to my knuckle, blinded, but steady.
Back and forth it moves.
Comforting me while I sit in a state of happiness, shock and fear.
Body heat exchanging.
In that moment, I had a small glince of hope.
Hope that maybe one i could like you as much as I once did.
You make me happy.
You're the only person that will play with my head.
I will sit there deciphering your thoughts.
I should take time to decipher my own thoughts about this whole thing.
Your fingers.
touching mine so gently.
Body heat exchanging.
Your thumb finds it's way to my knuckle, blinded, but steady.
Back and forth it moves.
Comforting me while I sit in a state of happiness, shock and fear.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
hai.
MACKENZIE!
let's start off by saying sorry that i haven't posted my writings.
my good writings anyway yet.
so here's a little something i've been working on!
YOU. you confuse me to the point of no return.
you show me you like me, and i show you that i'm just not ready.
we promised we would stay friends, and maybe one day something could happen.
but that day is just not anytime soon. now you're just running.
scared and afraid.
i just don't understand boys.
they're minds work so differently than mine.
maybe i'm the one running.
maybe i'm the one who is confusing and strange.
am i afraid?
of what?
commitment? or what other people think?
just the thoughts that run through my complicated, odd mind.
let's start off by saying sorry that i haven't posted my writings.
my good writings anyway yet.
so here's a little something i've been working on!
YOU. you confuse me to the point of no return.
you show me you like me, and i show you that i'm just not ready.
we promised we would stay friends, and maybe one day something could happen.
but that day is just not anytime soon. now you're just running.
scared and afraid.
i just don't understand boys.
they're minds work so differently than mine.
maybe i'm the one running.
maybe i'm the one who is confusing and strange.
am i afraid?
of what?
commitment? or what other people think?
just the thoughts that run through my complicated, odd mind.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I wish so badly to have a friend. Not just any friend. A friend who is willing to drive with me. Through all hours of the night, just to stop at the mobile to get an icee, take pictures, and listen to cool indie music. I almost feel like i'm trying to be something that i am not. I really should just let everything flow, and not care about what everyone else thinks or says. Easier said then done i suppose.
I've been into writing alot lately. Poems, and just stories in general. words.
I've been doing alot of thinking. Alot of observing the people around me. Their actions, movements. I like that when I am in class, i can spot something that i would like to just whip out a pen and paper and write away, or sometimes my camera. Gosh photo has been taking up so much of my life. I really need to get my priorities straight. I don't want to.
I need a male friend.
I need a BOYfriend.
..this school with thousands of kids and i can't find one to quench my thirst.
With all this observing..i see you haven't been the one staring at me. I believe i'm just conceited.
I still would love to even speak with you.
I can't help but sweat a little whenever you're around.
You on the otherhand.
I know your feelings towards me.
And it's odd, because i can still remain myself.
Or what I think is myself.
I'm still not sure on anything.
I need to kick it up in school.
Starting tonight.
Goodnight.
And always:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35886186@N03/
I've been into writing alot lately. Poems, and just stories in general. words.
I've been doing alot of thinking. Alot of observing the people around me. Their actions, movements. I like that when I am in class, i can spot something that i would like to just whip out a pen and paper and write away, or sometimes my camera. Gosh photo has been taking up so much of my life. I really need to get my priorities straight. I don't want to.
I need a male friend.
I need a BOYfriend.
..this school with thousands of kids and i can't find one to quench my thirst.
With all this observing..i see you haven't been the one staring at me. I believe i'm just conceited.
I still would love to even speak with you.
I can't help but sweat a little whenever you're around.
You on the otherhand.
I know your feelings towards me.
And it's odd, because i can still remain myself.
Or what I think is myself.
I'm still not sure on anything.
I need to kick it up in school.
Starting tonight.
Goodnight.
And always:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35886186@N03/
Sunday, October 18, 2009
weak::weekend
friday- came home, felt like complete shit. but went to nadias anyway. deanna drove us to this super cool diner called happy days. we had dinner and dessert. this adorable 90 year old man talked to us. and he was like we are gunna get married, blahblah. it was really funny though. then we went to a&P to get a redbox movie. we got adventureland. i saw the beggining but OFCOURSE. AS USUAL. i fell asleep. but i was seriously feeling like shit. so it was allowed. my best friends made me a cappicino drink. and it made me feel a little better.
saturday- stayed in bed allll day. that night. went to mitch's birthday party. (my neighbor) miles went too. we chilllled. i dont want to talk about the rest.(no picture for this day.)
sunday(today)- hung out all day. starting to feel a little better. i got my hair dyed. and mackenzie and i think we have swine. i took a tub. and told someone we are just going to be friends. acconplishment. :D
^ all that blonde is underneath the first layer of hair. it looks cool. woo!
saturday- stayed in bed allll day. that night. went to mitch's birthday party. (my neighbor) miles went too. we chilllled. i dont want to talk about the rest.(no picture for this day.)
sunday(today)- hung out all day. starting to feel a little better. i got my hair dyed. and mackenzie and i think we have swine. i took a tub. and told someone we are just going to be friends. acconplishment. :D
^ all that blonde is underneath the first layer of hair. it looks cool. woo!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
The whole past week has been filled with goodies.
Friday- October 9th.:: didn't go to school because we drove up to Buffalo to see GUYSON. :D we also saw whoppie goldberg comedy show. she's really funny!
Saturday-October 10th. :: my birthday! i'm 14 WEEEEE! this was a good day. we went out to breakfast. we went to the football game. and then went out to dinner. nothing too special just good.
Sunday-October 11th. :: we drove home from buffalo. and i saw a rocket to the moon with nadia, julia, mackenzie, kaitlin, jalae and miles. loads and loads of fun! i got to hang out with mackenzie and kaitlin especially. which was fantabulous. i feel like they're like my twins. i said like way too much in that sentance okaaaay!
Monday- October 12th :: hung out with nadia, julie and deanna. we have big plans for the next few months. time booster weekend. and in january when deanna turns 18. ROADTRIP! to new jersey. to her parents house. :)!
and today. i had cramps out the yingyang. but i dealed. other than that. the day was bueno.
there is three boys.
one is in 11th grade. he is the finest boy. we have connections. we know eachother. i go to his family parties. but you don't even look at me.
the second is in my art. he's very goodlooking, but doesn't speak. but he listens in on the conversations i have with another girl.. i don't know.
the third. i don't know you. i don't even know your name. we see eachother in the hallway. twice everyday. and we lock eyes. we both had balloons for our birthdays. the same day..you're cute.
whattodonoonelikesme. n_n weh. whateva.
p.s.mackenzie and kaitlin. if you're reading this. we gotta get together! kay bye!
Saturday-October 10th. :: my birthday! i'm 14 WEEEEE! this was a good day. we went out to breakfast. we went to the football game. and then went out to dinner. nothing too special just good.
Sunday-October 11th. :: we drove home from buffalo. and i saw a rocket to the moon with nadia, julia, mackenzie, kaitlin, jalae and miles. loads and loads of fun! i got to hang out with mackenzie and kaitlin especially. which was fantabulous. i feel like they're like my twins. i said like way too much in that sentance okaaaay!
Monday- October 12th :: hung out with nadia, julie and deanna. we have big plans for the next few months. time booster weekend. and in january when deanna turns 18. ROADTRIP! to new jersey. to her parents house. :)!
and today. i had cramps out the yingyang. but i dealed. other than that. the day was bueno.
there is three boys.
one is in 11th grade. he is the finest boy. we have connections. we know eachother. i go to his family parties. but you don't even look at me.
the second is in my art. he's very goodlooking, but doesn't speak. but he listens in on the conversations i have with another girl.. i don't know.
the third. i don't know you. i don't even know your name. we see eachother in the hallway. twice everyday. and we lock eyes. we both had balloons for our birthdays. the same day..you're cute.
whattodonoonelikesme. n_n weh. whateva.
p.s.mackenzie and kaitlin. if you're reading this. we gotta get together! kay bye!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
sdgjkadfhgadjkf
SO. today was really good. i promised myself i would have a good day and not let myself get mad at stupid things. and it worked.
after school i got home and asked my mom if i could borrow ralphs camera. she immediately said no. and i was like thats dumb im asking ralph. so i did and he said yes. so i took it never told her. apparently thats terrible. i got to shannons. i start having fun and she calls me. all mad and saying im a bad person. blahblahblah. i start worrying. i get super nervous and i just want to crawl into a ball and die. so i text her about 5 times trhoughout the night and she never answers me. it was ridiculous. i had such a good time but i just kept thinking about it. how frustrating. then when she picked me up, she didnt say anything. so i dont know if this is good or bad. all i know is we are having a "family meeting" on sunday. and those are NEVER good. im not excited at all. -_- ugh
ignore my face looking gross.
yeeep! night.
thanksforreading
after school i got home and asked my mom if i could borrow ralphs camera. she immediately said no. and i was like thats dumb im asking ralph. so i did and he said yes. so i took it never told her. apparently thats terrible. i got to shannons. i start having fun and she calls me. all mad and saying im a bad person. blahblahblah. i start worrying. i get super nervous and i just want to crawl into a ball and die. so i text her about 5 times trhoughout the night and she never answers me. it was ridiculous. i had such a good time but i just kept thinking about it. how frustrating. then when she picked me up, she didnt say anything. so i dont know if this is good or bad. all i know is we are having a "family meeting" on sunday. and those are NEVER good. im not excited at all. -_- ugh
ignore my face looking gross.
yeeep! night.
thanksforreading
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My last post.
was so happy. and i love how one little thing can just ruin my day.
ofcourse i make brownies for shannon and they come out hard as bricks.
i tell my mom. she does nothing.
i ask her if we have tissue paper.
she says go look.
i said i did.
she said oh well.
i said what am i supposed to do?
she said i dont know! just go find something im not your slave.
etc. etc. etc.
then she goes on rambling about how i never do anything. and how i always need something and how my brothers never did any of this stuff. and thats where i break.
she always compares me to my brothers and i cant stand it.
that is the one thing that bugs me the most.
she ALWAYS compares me to them
because im different?!
OH IM SORRY IM NOT IN COLLEGE TO BE A DENTIST OR SOME SUPER AMAZING ARTIST.
shit. i'm surrounded by all these people with all this talent.
and i feel like i have none. at this point i dont even know what im here for.
i feel like i was an accident. there is no plan for me here.
i need somebody to talk to.
somebody who will understand. someone who has no talent. like me.
but theres no one. everyone has their thing. and i have nothing.
guy- cars, and dentistry
ralph- art
mom- yoga
dad- plumbing
plus. i suck at school. i mean i guess it wouldnt be as bad if i was good at school.
but i thought art would be my favorite. and the bitch hates me already.
my project is terrible compared to everyone else. i hate it.
i hate being here.
i really wish i could be gone.
i need a getaway.
i need to runaway.
i need my own apartment.
i guess im proving my mom right.
i need to much.
i dont care.
i want to get out of here.
im dying in my this body.
ofcourse i make brownies for shannon and they come out hard as bricks.
i tell my mom. she does nothing.
i ask her if we have tissue paper.
she says go look.
i said i did.
she said oh well.
i said what am i supposed to do?
she said i dont know! just go find something im not your slave.
etc. etc. etc.
then she goes on rambling about how i never do anything. and how i always need something and how my brothers never did any of this stuff. and thats where i break.
she always compares me to my brothers and i cant stand it.
that is the one thing that bugs me the most.
she ALWAYS compares me to them
because im different?!
OH IM SORRY IM NOT IN COLLEGE TO BE A DENTIST OR SOME SUPER AMAZING ARTIST.
shit. i'm surrounded by all these people with all this talent.
and i feel like i have none. at this point i dont even know what im here for.
i feel like i was an accident. there is no plan for me here.
i need somebody to talk to.
somebody who will understand. someone who has no talent. like me.
but theres no one. everyone has their thing. and i have nothing.
guy- cars, and dentistry
ralph- art
mom- yoga
dad- plumbing
plus. i suck at school. i mean i guess it wouldnt be as bad if i was good at school.
but i thought art would be my favorite. and the bitch hates me already.
my project is terrible compared to everyone else. i hate it.
i hate being here.
i really wish i could be gone.
i need a getaway.
i need to runaway.
i need my own apartment.
i guess im proving my mom right.
i need to much.
i dont care.
i want to get out of here.
im dying in my this body.
Yesterday and Today.
Yesterday i didnt post. But i thought i would tell you about my day anyway because honestly, it was pretty fabulous. Well. It was fabulous because art, 1st period. We had a sub. I was so happy. I hate m art teacher. She's a bitch. So our sub let us listen to our ipods while doing our art. That was GREAT! and i really miss last years art with Ms. Larocca. I love her. haha. And the rest of the day just went smoothly.
Today was good as well! We had a half day. Which means only 3 periods. Really pointless if you ask me. Why don't we just stay home? Anywho. I went home, got ready and then went to the mall with Joanna and Nadia. We had to get a.) Nadia a homecoming dress. and b.) shannon's gift. since her birthday is tomorrow.
So i got her a Where The Wild Things Are shirt, It's very cute. I also got her a Say Anything Cd. AND i'm baking her brownies. SO i feel pretty good about my gift. I'm a terrible gift giver. WEH. haha oh well. DEAL!
So now i'm baking the brownies and my dad is sleeping and i only have a little homework so i may go outside and enjoy the wonderful weather. hehee.
I will absolutely blog tomorrow. I have to admit. I wait for the moment i get to come home and just chill and blog. I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because i suck at diarys. I used to love them. But now i'm too lazy to write it all out. haha. okay well i'm gunna gooo!
byebye :)
happy october 1st.
THANKSFORREADING
p.s. i got dry shampoo and i don't think i'm gunna want to shower ever again.
i'm disgusting. :) love it.
;D
Today was good as well! We had a half day. Which means only 3 periods. Really pointless if you ask me. Why don't we just stay home? Anywho. I went home, got ready and then went to the mall with Joanna and Nadia. We had to get a.) Nadia a homecoming dress. and b.) shannon's gift. since her birthday is tomorrow.
So i got her a Where The Wild Things Are shirt, It's very cute. I also got her a Say Anything Cd. AND i'm baking her brownies. SO i feel pretty good about my gift. I'm a terrible gift giver. WEH. haha oh well. DEAL!
So now i'm baking the brownies and my dad is sleeping and i only have a little homework so i may go outside and enjoy the wonderful weather. hehee.
I will absolutely blog tomorrow. I have to admit. I wait for the moment i get to come home and just chill and blog. I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because i suck at diarys. I used to love them. But now i'm too lazy to write it all out. haha. okay well i'm gunna gooo!
byebye :)
happy october 1st.
THANKSFORREADING
p.s. i got dry shampoo and i don't think i'm gunna want to shower ever again.
i'm disgusting. :) love it.
;D
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
todday
was a shitty day. Until the fire drill seventh period. When i found $10.
And when i got home. I found out the guy i maybe / might/ not sure / best friend likes me. so that's cool. i think we are gunna hang out on thursday since it's a half day.
yeah. nothing to say today =)
thanksforreading.
And when i got home. I found out the guy i maybe / might/ not sure / best friend likes me. so that's cool. i think we are gunna hang out on thursday since it's a half day.
yeah. nothing to say today =)
thanksforreading.
Monday, September 28, 2009
went.
i went shopping today with Nadia and Miles. That was really fun. I got my formal dress, shoes, Shannon's gift, and a shirt. Miles bought skinny jeans. (awesome ;D)
I've been inspired to get into writing more. But i never know what to say. Nothing really interesting ever happens to me.
Although my birthday is in 12 days. Shannons birthday is on Friday. And home coming is on Saturday. OH! and I will be leaving for Buffalo for a few days on the 9th. Into the 11th. I'm seeing Whoopie Goldberg on the 9th in Buffalo. Apparently she's hilarious.. And the 11th is A Rocket To The Moon concert. WOO! So i guess the next 2 weeks will pretty busy. That should be nice.
I still want a boyfriend. No one likes me though. It really sucks.
I also really want an UglyDoll. And I told Miles that's what i wanted for my birthday and he was so close to getting it. And i was like yes! it's only $10. but no. plus shipping and handling its $37! That's ridiculous. So he's not getting it. It's fine. But i still really want one. I told my brother who is in college. Maybe he'll get it:D HAH. I'm terrible.
I am in love with Death Cab For Cutie today. <3
So i guess while i have nothing else to say for now i'll show you my homecoming dress.
here it is:
The only difference is i'll be wearing black tights.
and here is what i'm wearing out to shadows / frankie and johny show for shannon's birthday.:
i love both outfits. i'm excited.
it's getting late. goodnight.
thanks for reading.
alsokaitlinhalliganisawesomeokaybyye:D
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaitlinsalias/
I've been inspired to get into writing more. But i never know what to say. Nothing really interesting ever happens to me.
Although my birthday is in 12 days. Shannons birthday is on Friday. And home coming is on Saturday. OH! and I will be leaving for Buffalo for a few days on the 9th. Into the 11th. I'm seeing Whoopie Goldberg on the 9th in Buffalo. Apparently she's hilarious.. And the 11th is A Rocket To The Moon concert. WOO! So i guess the next 2 weeks will pretty busy. That should be nice.
I still want a boyfriend. No one likes me though. It really sucks.
I also really want an UglyDoll. And I told Miles that's what i wanted for my birthday and he was so close to getting it. And i was like yes! it's only $10. but no. plus shipping and handling its $37! That's ridiculous. So he's not getting it. It's fine. But i still really want one. I told my brother who is in college. Maybe he'll get it:D HAH. I'm terrible.
I am in love with Death Cab For Cutie today. <3
So i guess while i have nothing else to say for now i'll show you my homecoming dress.
here it is:
The only difference is i'll be wearing black tights.
and here is what i'm wearing out to shadows / frankie and johny show for shannon's birthday.:
i love both outfits. i'm excited.
it's getting late. goodnight.
thanks for reading.
alsokaitlinhalliganisawesomeokaybyye:D
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kaitlinsalias/
Sunday, September 27, 2009
caves by jacks mannequin
i wish i had more friends.
i wish more people enjoyed talking to me.
i wish i knew what i was known as.
i wish i didn't depend on other people so much.
i wish i could say i was in love.
i wish i could say i was a good person and actually believe it.
i wish you liked me.
i wish you were one of my best friends.
i wish one day we could hang out and just be understand eachother and get along so unbelievably well.
i wish that one day i could show you how awesome you are.
.
i wish more people enjoyed talking to me.
i wish i knew what i was known as.
i wish i didn't depend on other people so much.
i wish i could say i was in love.
i wish i could say i was a good person and actually believe it.
i wish you liked me.
i wish you were one of my best friends.
i wish one day we could hang out and just be understand eachother and get along so unbelievably well.
i wish that one day i could show you how awesome you are.
.
this week.
it's been really fun. alot of bonding with nadia. i really enjoyed it.
julie is doing so much better which would bring a smile to anyones face.
my parents got back from aruba last night with many pictures, treasures and stories. it was so good to be home though. this week i did 2 oral reports. and one was in spanish. 100. and the other in english. which im not sure what i got yet. but still. awesome. homecoming is right around the corner. this coming saturday. im excited. although julie cant go =( and she was date. so that's lame. friday is shannons birthday. so we are going out to shadows and then going to see frankie and johny. tomorrow is shopping with miles and nadia. shalll be fun. getting my dress tomorrow. ill post pictures.
i cant really think of anything else. but if i get a creative spark or something i will type it.
OH! everyone go listen to Pencil In The Portrait. they're super good. :)
thanksforreading
julie is doing so much better which would bring a smile to anyones face.
my parents got back from aruba last night with many pictures, treasures and stories. it was so good to be home though. this week i did 2 oral reports. and one was in spanish. 100. and the other in english. which im not sure what i got yet. but still. awesome. homecoming is right around the corner. this coming saturday. im excited. although julie cant go =( and she was date. so that's lame. friday is shannons birthday. so we are going out to shadows and then going to see frankie and johny. tomorrow is shopping with miles and nadia. shalll be fun. getting my dress tomorrow. ill post pictures.
i cant really think of anything else. but if i get a creative spark or something i will type it.
OH! everyone go listen to Pencil In The Portrait. they're super good. :)
thanksforreading
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
good day.
got my signed a rocket to the moon poster thanks to miles. the child is awesome. he sat with us at lunch.
speaking of lunch.. i feel bad i'm not sitting with my other friends.
i don't think they really miss me though. bleh
julie's doing better! hopefully walking tomorrow.
today i got up. didnt eat. went to school. lunch. hardly ate. got home had goldfish. left for nadias. hung out for a few. went to the hospital. visited with julie for like 5 hours. just got home. sippin on oj. now i have to get all this shit done.
freshman breakfast with nadia and miles tomorrow.
off the bus with nadia. bingo tomorrow night.
i'm busy. i kinda like it.
p.s. i miss being bestfriends. =(
idk if what you posted was towards me. but this is to you.
and i hope you know who YOU is. :)
speaking of lunch.. i feel bad i'm not sitting with my other friends.
i don't think they really miss me though. bleh
julie's doing better! hopefully walking tomorrow.
today i got up. didnt eat. went to school. lunch. hardly ate. got home had goldfish. left for nadias. hung out for a few. went to the hospital. visited with julie for like 5 hours. just got home. sippin on oj. now i have to get all this shit done.
freshman breakfast with nadia and miles tomorrow.
off the bus with nadia. bingo tomorrow night.
i'm busy. i kinda like it.
p.s. i miss being bestfriends. =(
idk if what you posted was towards me. but this is to you.
and i hope you know who YOU is. :)
Monday, September 14, 2009
i can't help but feel out of place
in school. there's all these people talking to eachother and having conversations about sex. that's not me. and i don't like being surrounded by it either. i just can't wait till julie gets better. she's so strong. but i miss her too much. i can't wait till things get back to normal and we can have out fall party as planned. just the three of us. i need more friends though. positive influences. haha. i sound dumb. but honestly. i'm hoping this friendship with miles progresses as well. he's really cool.
enough for today.
but i miss guy too.
bleh=/
goodnight.
enough for today.
but i miss guy too.
bleh=/
goodnight.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
it's extremely difficult
to see one of your reallyreally good friends sitting there helpless while she cant move,hardly breathe and talk. you don't realize how hard it is until your in that position. there was so many times today when i wanted to run over to her and just hug her as tight as can be, and cry on her shoulder. but i couldnt. i didnt even have a second alone with her. i couldnt tell her how much i loved her and how much i needed her and how much i wish she could just be back to her normal self. i miss her. she's still there, i can tell. it's just a slowed town, tired, sedated version. nonetheless i dont like it. she can hardly remember what happened. i wish there was more i could do. but i know there isnt. i was scared when i saw her. i was scared she wasnt the same. i was scared she didnt want me there. i was scared she was in too much pain.
words cant describe how much i love her.
and how much i want her to be better.
<3
words cant describe how much i love her.
and how much i want her to be better.
<3
Thursday, September 10, 2009
you don't deserve what happened
you're one of the most kind-hearted, loving, sincere people i know. i coouldnt have asked for a better person to be friends with. i'm so so so glad you're okay.
i love you<3
feel better. you're one tough cookie.
:)
i love you<3
feel better. you're one tough cookie.
:)
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
School
School started today. My day was good I saw alot of old friends and got to all my classes without getting lost. But when I got home today all thesse papers I had gotten pretty much exploded on me. I was tired. And nothing was making sense. At this point I feel terrible and stressed and it's only the first day. I need counseling. I ended up crying o. My moms shoulder telling her it was pms. Half of it may be that. But everyone keeps saying high school is the greatest four years of your life but sofar I'm not seeing itt. They're also saying how this is high school and it's gunna determine alot of things in my future. Future?! I can't even decide what to wear the next day. I'm
so nervous. I need to talk to someone. Someone who understands. Aim-laurenedelia
thanksforreading please help.
so nervous. I need to talk to someone. Someone who understands. Aim-laurenedelia
thanksforreading please help.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
and so it begins.
school starts tomorrow. im so excited. a little nervous. i know where all my classes are. and i have my bestfriends with me. i saw a few people i knew today which was good. well wish me luck. this has to be short because i need to get to bed. and wake up tomorrow at 6. goodnight<3 thanks for reading. whoever you are.
Monday, September 7, 2009
this year.
it has to be different. i'll make it different. i want to be different. new friends. new risks. new mind-set. i'm excited. this year i'm going to get more into photography. and it's been showing more to me lately. i spend most of my days surfing flickr and jotting down ideas. i'm glad. i feel like when school comes everything will just fall into place. although i'm not sure if it actually will. i hope.
<3thanksforreading
<3thanksforreading
Friday, September 4, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
september 3
september?! already. this is just ridiculous.
i start school next wednesday. im going clothes / supply shopping tomorrow.
i'm excited though! the school is huge. but im so excited about new friends.
i got a restricted call a few minutes ago from a really scared girl. i never caught her name but i do know that she was looking for a girl named katie. she was really scared because she was at the mall and it was really dark. i felt so bad because i couldn't help her at all. if i could have i would've. she started crying even more when she found out it wasn't katie. after i got off the phone with her i felt terrible..i really hope that girl is okay.
goodnight everyone.
i start school next wednesday. im going clothes / supply shopping tomorrow.
i'm excited though! the school is huge. but im so excited about new friends.
i got a restricted call a few minutes ago from a really scared girl. i never caught her name but i do know that she was looking for a girl named katie. she was really scared because she was at the mall and it was really dark. i felt so bad because i couldn't help her at all. if i could have i would've. she started crying even more when she found out it wasn't katie. after i got off the phone with her i felt terrible..i really hope that girl is okay.
goodnight everyone.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
ahh.
heyhi. lauren here.
So today was weird. i got up, made eggs, ate and went straight to cleaning my room. So i cleaned alot so i took a break. Went on the computer. Then we had dinner. and i asked my mom if i could go out with friends tonight. and after a few minutes of begging she said yes. but as long as i cleaned my room first. so i did and we got ready to leave. and my brother ralph is learning to drive so we were gunna take the standard car and go bring me to a restraunt to meet up with my friends. it was just me, my dad and i. and when we got into the car everyone was pissed off because they couldnt find the key to the car. but finally did. as soon as we pull out of the driveway we have problems. my dad is yelling at ralph and theres an asshole behind us trying to pass us. so my dad opens the door and SCREAMS at this guy. and if you know me, you know that i hate it when people fight / yell at eachother seriously. so this asshole follows us down the road and cuts us off. and my dad is yelling out the window and giving him the finger. and the guy pulls of the road, grabs his crotch and gives the finger. and im freaking out. it was so scary. i thought my dad and this guy were literally going to fight. when i got out of the car, i was shaking and stuttering. and just straight up freaking out. i eventually calmed down. we went on a walk through vassar played hide and seek, and took pictures. then we were gunna go to the cubbyhole but it was packed so we got smoothies instead and just hung out. i got home and chilled and here i am. it was such a wierd day. but no one at home likes me. someone needs to move next door. someone good. a friend. so i can get out of this house more. im going to shoot myself.
i miss my brother.
no picture today.
So today was weird. i got up, made eggs, ate and went straight to cleaning my room. So i cleaned alot so i took a break. Went on the computer. Then we had dinner. and i asked my mom if i could go out with friends tonight. and after a few minutes of begging she said yes. but as long as i cleaned my room first. so i did and we got ready to leave. and my brother ralph is learning to drive so we were gunna take the standard car and go bring me to a restraunt to meet up with my friends. it was just me, my dad and i. and when we got into the car everyone was pissed off because they couldnt find the key to the car. but finally did. as soon as we pull out of the driveway we have problems. my dad is yelling at ralph and theres an asshole behind us trying to pass us. so my dad opens the door and SCREAMS at this guy. and if you know me, you know that i hate it when people fight / yell at eachother seriously. so this asshole follows us down the road and cuts us off. and my dad is yelling out the window and giving him the finger. and the guy pulls of the road, grabs his crotch and gives the finger. and im freaking out. it was so scary. i thought my dad and this guy were literally going to fight. when i got out of the car, i was shaking and stuttering. and just straight up freaking out. i eventually calmed down. we went on a walk through vassar played hide and seek, and took pictures. then we were gunna go to the cubbyhole but it was packed so we got smoothies instead and just hung out. i got home and chilled and here i am. it was such a wierd day. but no one at home likes me. someone needs to move next door. someone good. a friend. so i can get out of this house more. im going to shoot myself.
i miss my brother.
no picture today.
Monday, August 31, 2009
The new is in, the new is in, I'm feeling better already I've shed my skin, I've shed my skin, my head is starting to steady
i haven't been on the last few days. ive been busy. i videochatted with an ex boyfriend till 3 am. and no, i do not like him again. but i certainly do miss being best friends with him. and have been talking to a certain someone alot lately. i'm excited to see how this progresses. and what will eventually happen=)
i feel good today. i think my brother actually misses me! and it made me so extremely happy when i wrote my status on facebook as homehomehommee and he commented saying LOSER!!. it just made me so happy to see that he still cares. haha, that little thing like made my day.
so yesterday i went to the mall. that was good, i got a few shirts. nadia and i went back to my house and then drove out to her house. where we met up with deanna and julie and shannon and headed out to the morning of / goot / abel concert. it was amazing. seeing the morning of for the 3rd time:D and they just keep getting better its awesome. we met up with frankie and friends there. he's really chill. then we went back to the podporas. deanna and nadia fell asleep but me and julie stayed up watching trashy tv such as real chance at love 2. we laughed so hard. it was great.
the next day, today. i got up had breakfast watched tv with everyone. and then we all got ready and went to the high school to go through our schedules. we couldnt really do that because so much stuff was blocked off, but they said we can come back thursday or friday. although i am NOT going to freshman orientation. =P
after thaat we came home, ate more. had sundaes. and decided to work off those sundaes by playing tennis and running. that was fun until julie twisted her ankle. which i must admit was hilarious until we found out she was legit hurt. but it wasnt too bad. i came home, got yelled at. the usual.
OH MY GOODNESS. forgot to say this! my brother ralph works at adams and he met meryl streep! she came up to him and asked him where the coffee was! and he said he thought she looked like meryl streep but like didnt think of anything of it until one of his co-workers was like you just helped meryl streep. hahah. but how cool is that!? she lives in millbrook. so not to far away. so cool. like 5-6 minutes away from me.
well i guess thats all i haveto say for now. ill try and keep updated more.
AH IM WATCHING GUY FIERI(sp?) ON THE FOOD NETWORK AND HES SHOWING THE BEST FOOD OM NOMMM NOM! ah. okay im done. bye now. thanks for reading<3
i feel good today. i think my brother actually misses me! and it made me so extremely happy when i wrote my status on facebook as homehomehommee and he commented saying LOSER!!. it just made me so happy to see that he still cares. haha, that little thing like made my day.
so yesterday i went to the mall. that was good, i got a few shirts. nadia and i went back to my house and then drove out to her house. where we met up with deanna and julie and shannon and headed out to the morning of / goot / abel concert. it was amazing. seeing the morning of for the 3rd time:D and they just keep getting better its awesome. we met up with frankie and friends there. he's really chill. then we went back to the podporas. deanna and nadia fell asleep but me and julie stayed up watching trashy tv such as real chance at love 2. we laughed so hard. it was great.
the next day, today. i got up had breakfast watched tv with everyone. and then we all got ready and went to the high school to go through our schedules. we couldnt really do that because so much stuff was blocked off, but they said we can come back thursday or friday. although i am NOT going to freshman orientation. =P
after thaat we came home, ate more. had sundaes. and decided to work off those sundaes by playing tennis and running. that was fun until julie twisted her ankle. which i must admit was hilarious until we found out she was legit hurt. but it wasnt too bad. i came home, got yelled at. the usual.
OH MY GOODNESS. forgot to say this! my brother ralph works at adams and he met meryl streep! she came up to him and asked him where the coffee was! and he said he thought she looked like meryl streep but like didnt think of anything of it until one of his co-workers was like you just helped meryl streep. hahah. but how cool is that!? she lives in millbrook. so not to far away. so cool. like 5-6 minutes away from me.
well i guess thats all i haveto say for now. ill try and keep updated more.
AH IM WATCHING GUY FIERI(sp?) ON THE FOOD NETWORK AND HES SHOWING THE BEST FOOD OM NOMMM NOM! ah. okay im done. bye now. thanks for reading<3
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
so.
today we left guy in buffalo. and we came home. it actually was better than i expected. we all cried except ralph.the child has no heart. but even guy cried. he actually hugged me too. it was a nice sister/brother moment. i have no neighbor to my room now. which is so weird. im sued to him coming home putting on the alarm and me going out to say hi and everything. i dont know. i think im going to sleep in his bed tonight though. because he has a king sized. hahah.
on a lighter note. im so excited for the upcoming months. school comes back and there is amazing concerts and holidays and fall! it's going to be grreeaaat. :D
oh p.s. guy left his camera home.. its canon something. so im considering using it a little without him knowing but im not sure. i willl be getting my d40 soon though! :)
expect pictures on flickr.
so here's me representin' buffalo:
on a lighter note. im so excited for the upcoming months. school comes back and there is amazing concerts and holidays and fall! it's going to be grreeaaat. :D
oh p.s. guy left his camera home.. its canon something. so im considering using it a little without him knowing but im not sure. i willl be getting my d40 soon though! :)
expect pictures on flickr.
so here's me representin' buffalo:
Thursday, August 27, 2009
it's here.
i am currently in the hotel in buffalo. i woke up at 3, after getting about a 1/2 hour of sleep. we packed up and got right on the road. at about 4. i couldnt sleep at all. and i dont know why. but i tried so hard. for about an hour. i gave up and started taking to my parents. my dad literally was falling asleep at the wheel. it was really scary =0 so we stopped at a rest stop. got coffee and doughnuts. got into the car and everyone slept for about 20 minutes. not me ofcourse. as the car ride went on i finally fell asleep. onto my brother might i add. i took videos too. they're really funny. when my family is nice. they're really nice. and fun. it's weird. so we arrived in buffalo. loaded alll of guy's stuff into his room. met his friends, and his roomates. his room is really cool. and then we went and got lunch. uno's. nom nom. then we just explored. and looked around. and whatnot. then we came here. i immediately hooked up my computer because i kinda cant live without it. which is bad. haha. so here's a dumb picture of me just hanging out while everyone else sleeps:
byea:D
byea:D
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
getting worse.
sam(my brother guy's girlfriend) just left. the last time ill see her until thanksgiving.
i didn't want anyone seeing me crying so after she left i ran here.
it's so hard. she's like a sister to me. and not seeing her just makes me really sad.
i really do wish her all the best<3
i didn't want anyone seeing me crying so after she left i ran here.
it's so hard. she's like a sister to me. and not seeing her just makes me really sad.
i really do wish her all the best<3
last day.
it's the last day my brother guy will be home, before he goes to college. it's really sad. and im sure that ill cry as soon as i see my mom crying. but its not like i wont ever see him again. but i'll miss him.
so i just feel like putting up this picture. so here it is.
yep thats me. i have a lot of hair. okay bye for now. thanks for reading.
so i just feel like putting up this picture. so here it is.
yep thats me. i have a lot of hair. okay bye for now. thanks for reading.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Tonight.
i got the most amazing formspring thing EVER.
just read it..
it literally made me cry. because of how incredibly nice it is.
i cant wait to find out who wrote it
because when i do.
i am going to give them a really big hug.
and hopefully we can be really good friends.
i also think the vegetarian part is funny.
considering how many times ive tried and failed at being one.
wellll. goodnight:)
just read it..
it literally made me cry. because of how incredibly nice it is.
i cant wait to find out who wrote it
because when i do.
i am going to give them a really big hug.
and hopefully we can be really good friends.
i also think the vegetarian part is funny.
considering how many times ive tried and failed at being one.
wellll. goodnight:)
august 25, 2009
hi! sorry i didn't write last night. i was at the podporas house. it's so nice to have them back. i went over their house yesterday and we just chilled and watched movies and played with playdo and played scary games.when i say it's so nice to have them back. i mean from poland. they went for a month. i had absolutely no life without them. well today. i went woke up and we all hung out and had french fries and bbq sauce for breakfast. my mom called and said that they could come over to swim and whatever. so we drove home. then i had an orthodontist appointment. i dont usually mind the orthodontist. but it hurts so bad right now. because i had to get new bracets on. its brutal. then we came home and watched "the poughkeepsie tapes" it wasnt scary. but it was kind-of grusom..(spelling?) although im not sure if it's real or not. then we went swimming. and i showered. we are currently waiting for pizza to come. im pretty excited. i love me some pizza. i ate so bad today though. so as soon as tomorrow comes.. i must start eating good again. haha. well i guess ill write again tonight. bye for now:)
Sunday, August 23, 2009
8/23/09
hello whomever.
today was..wierd.
i stayed up to about 3 last night. and woke up around 1 in the afternoon.
as soon as i woke up everyone said they had to leave. so they did. and i took my computer into the dining room for some tv and internet. then my parents came home. we ended up watching a few scary movies and just hanging out. and everything was good. later on i got dressed and we drove to antonellas for dinner with guy(my brother), his girlfriend sam, and my other brother ralph. on the way there i mentioned that my dad said he was giving me $100 for babysitting yesterday. and basically the entire car freaked out on me. telling me that he never said that blah blah blah when i swear he did. that basically set the mood for the night because i got pretty upset. i hate when people yell. it really upsets me. every single time. i was quiet at dinner. it was really delicious though. then college was brought up and my mom started crying. i really wanted to cry too. but i knew it would be dumb if i did. then the $100 thing got brought up again. and i was yelled at AGAIN. then my mom could see that i was really upset. so then we left and when i got into the car i got extremely emotional and started crying. no one could hear or see me because it was dark. but it was just upsetting. we went to barnes and nobles. i got 2 magazines that i thought my mom was gunna buy for me..then she said no. and it just made me that much more pissed off about everything. we left and came home and here i am.
altogether it just was poopy night. other than talking to him. he has a power to make me happy even if we dont have an actual conversation.
"<3(;loveyouletsmakeplansbyebye"
when he says things like that. it makes me excited.
but im still not sure. im such an odd one.
i guess ill go now.
thanks for reading. whoever you are.
i wish you well.
today was..wierd.
i stayed up to about 3 last night. and woke up around 1 in the afternoon.
as soon as i woke up everyone said they had to leave. so they did. and i took my computer into the dining room for some tv and internet. then my parents came home. we ended up watching a few scary movies and just hanging out. and everything was good. later on i got dressed and we drove to antonellas for dinner with guy(my brother), his girlfriend sam, and my other brother ralph. on the way there i mentioned that my dad said he was giving me $100 for babysitting yesterday. and basically the entire car freaked out on me. telling me that he never said that blah blah blah when i swear he did. that basically set the mood for the night because i got pretty upset. i hate when people yell. it really upsets me. every single time. i was quiet at dinner. it was really delicious though. then college was brought up and my mom started crying. i really wanted to cry too. but i knew it would be dumb if i did. then the $100 thing got brought up again. and i was yelled at AGAIN. then my mom could see that i was really upset. so then we left and when i got into the car i got extremely emotional and started crying. no one could hear or see me because it was dark. but it was just upsetting. we went to barnes and nobles. i got 2 magazines that i thought my mom was gunna buy for me..then she said no. and it just made me that much more pissed off about everything. we left and came home and here i am.
altogether it just was poopy night. other than talking to him. he has a power to make me happy even if we dont have an actual conversation.
"<3(;loveyouletsmakeplansbyebye"
when he says things like that. it makes me excited.
but im still not sure. im such an odd one.
i guess ill go now.
thanks for reading. whoever you are.
i wish you well.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
hi hello
this is my first official blog on blogspot.
so i thought i'd just introduce myself.
well hey. im lauren.
i'm13. and going to be a freshman in high school this coming september.
i love photography and music with my life.
concerts are one of my very favorite things.
i have good friends who treat me great. and i really couldnt ask for more.
so here are my websites:
http://laurenade.tumblr.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35886186@N03/
http://twitter.com/delcommalauren
http://dailybooth.com/laurend
im really gunna try to keep updated on this. because it's sorta like an online diary. and i enjoy that.
ithought tumblr would be like that. but its more meeting people. and reblogging and having fun. while this is more serious. and i need it.
so today. i woke up around 12. and as soon as i woke up i had to start baking desserts for a party i was going to later on. so i started on that. and the chocolate chip cookies and brownies came out suprisingly fantastic. then i got ready and we went to the neighbors for oktoberfest in august. haha. it was pretty cool. there was good food. and i babysat the whole time. this little boy jake is the most adorable thing. he calls me lulu. and calls my dad uncle ralph even though we have no relation whatsoever. i wish i could babysit him more. so i got home about an hour ago. and i am pooped. my mom said that if keith and katie dont pay me for the babysitting then they will. so im pretty excited about that. im saving up for my first dslr. a nikon d40. my brothers, actually. his is brand new. he hardly ever touches it. and he's willing to sell it to me for 325. which is AMAZING. considering it is $500 in stores. ahh. im so excited. i have $45 right now. which isnt much.. but im going to start getting alot from babysitting multiple people. and helping my mom out with things.
i've been talking to a certain person alot lately. and we flirt quite alot. and i know he likes me. and i dont want to hurt him. i think i like him too. but everything is so online. that i just dont know. and everyone keeps telling me to make up my mind because im going to hurt him. but ive been trying to make up my mind and it doesnt work. i think im going to wait until school starts and i actually get on a schedule i think its easier to have a boyfriend during school than in summer. i hope everything works out. he's so sweet. and cute. and pretty much everything that i look for.. i just dont know.
well it's time for bed. goodnight<3
so i thought i'd just introduce myself.
well hey. im lauren.
i'm13. and going to be a freshman in high school this coming september.
i love photography and music with my life.
concerts are one of my very favorite things.
i have good friends who treat me great. and i really couldnt ask for more.
so here are my websites:
http://laurenade.tumblr.com/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35886186@N03/
http://twitter.com/delcommalauren
http://dailybooth.com/laurend
im really gunna try to keep updated on this. because it's sorta like an online diary. and i enjoy that.
ithought tumblr would be like that. but its more meeting people. and reblogging and having fun. while this is more serious. and i need it.
so today. i woke up around 12. and as soon as i woke up i had to start baking desserts for a party i was going to later on. so i started on that. and the chocolate chip cookies and brownies came out suprisingly fantastic. then i got ready and we went to the neighbors for oktoberfest in august. haha. it was pretty cool. there was good food. and i babysat the whole time. this little boy jake is the most adorable thing. he calls me lulu. and calls my dad uncle ralph even though we have no relation whatsoever. i wish i could babysit him more. so i got home about an hour ago. and i am pooped. my mom said that if keith and katie dont pay me for the babysitting then they will. so im pretty excited about that. im saving up for my first dslr. a nikon d40. my brothers, actually. his is brand new. he hardly ever touches it. and he's willing to sell it to me for 325. which is AMAZING. considering it is $500 in stores. ahh. im so excited. i have $45 right now. which isnt much.. but im going to start getting alot from babysitting multiple people. and helping my mom out with things.
i've been talking to a certain person alot lately. and we flirt quite alot. and i know he likes me. and i dont want to hurt him. i think i like him too. but everything is so online. that i just dont know. and everyone keeps telling me to make up my mind because im going to hurt him. but ive been trying to make up my mind and it doesnt work. i think im going to wait until school starts and i actually get on a schedule i think its easier to have a boyfriend during school than in summer. i hope everything works out. he's so sweet. and cute. and pretty much everything that i look for.. i just dont know.
well it's time for bed. goodnight<3
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