hai.

MACKENZIE!
let's start off by saying sorry that i haven't posted my writings.
my good writings anyway yet.
so here's a little something i've been working on!




YOU. you confuse me to the point of no return.
you show me you like me, and i show you that i'm just not ready.
we promised we would stay friends, and maybe one day something could happen.
but that day is just not anytime soon. now you're just running.
scared and afraid.
i just don't understand boys.
they're minds work so differently than mine.
maybe i'm the one running.
maybe i'm the one who is confusing and strange.
am i afraid?
of what?
commitment? or what other people think?

just the thoughts that run through my complicated, odd mind.

i'm indredibly happy we are becoming bestfriends again.

yes you.
mrf.
:D

I wish so badly to have a friend. Not just any friend. A friend who is willing to drive with me. Through all hours of the night, just to stop at the mobile to get an icee, take pictures, and listen to cool indie music. I almost feel like i'm trying to be something that i am not. I really should just let everything flow, and not care about what everyone else thinks or says. Easier said then done i suppose.
I've been into writing alot lately. Poems, and just stories in general. words.
I've been doing alot of thinking. Alot of observing the people around me. Their actions, movements. I like that when I am in class, i can spot something that i would like to just whip out a pen and paper and write away, or sometimes my camera. Gosh photo has been taking up so much of my life. I really need to get my priorities straight. I don't want to.
I need a male friend.
I need a BOYfriend.
..this school with thousands of kids and i can't find one to quench my thirst.

With all this observing..i see you haven't been the one staring at me. I believe i'm just conceited.
I still would love to even speak with you.
I can't help but sweat a little whenever you're around.

You on the otherhand.
I know your feelings towards me.
And it's odd, because i can still remain myself.
Or what I think is myself.
I'm still not sure on anything.

I need to kick it up in school.
Starting tonight.

Goodnight.

And always:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/35886186@N03/

weak::weekend

friday- came home, felt like complete shit. but went to nadias anyway. deanna drove us to this super cool diner called happy days. we had dinner and dessert. this adorable 90 year old man talked to us. and he was like we are gunna get married, blahblah. it was really funny though. then we went to a&P to get a redbox movie. we got adventureland. i saw the beggining but OFCOURSE. AS USUAL. i fell asleep. but i was seriously feeling like shit. so it was allowed. my best friends made me a cappicino drink. and it made me feel a little better.


saturday- stayed in bed allll day. that night. went to mitch's birthday party. (my neighbor) miles went too. we chilllled. i dont want to talk about the rest.(no picture for this day.)

sunday(today)- hung out all day. starting to feel a little better. i got my hair dyed. and mackenzie and i think we have swine. i took a tub. and told someone we are just going to be friends. acconplishment. :D

^ all that blonde is underneath the first layer of hair. it looks cool. woo!

YOU

maybe, i just like the attention.


you make me feel good.


~!@#$%^&*()_+men.

The whole past week has been filled with goodies.

Friday- October 9th.:: didn't go to school because we drove up to Buffalo to see GUYSON. :D we also saw whoppie goldberg comedy show. she's really funny!

Saturday-October 10th. :: my birthday! i'm 14 WEEEEE! this was a good day. we went out to breakfast. we went to the football game. and then went out to dinner. nothing too special just good.

Sunday-October 11th. :: we drove home from buffalo. and i saw a rocket to the moon with nadia, julia, mackenzie, kaitlin, jalae and miles. loads and loads of fun! i got to hang out with mackenzie and kaitlin especially. which was fantabulous. i feel like they're like my twins. i said like way too much in that sentance okaaaay!

Monday- October 12th :: hung out with nadia, julie and deanna. we have big plans for the next few months. time booster weekend. and in january when deanna turns 18. ROADTRIP! to new jersey. to her parents house. :)!

and today. i had cramps out the yingyang. but i dealed. other than that. the day was bueno.

there is three boys.
one is in 11th grade. he is the finest boy. we have connections. we know eachother. i go to his family parties. but you don't even look at me.

the second is in my art. he's very goodlooking, but doesn't speak. but he listens in on the conversations i have with another girl.. i don't know.

the third. i don't know you. i don't even know your name. we see eachother in the hallway. twice everyday. and we lock eyes. we both had balloons for our birthdays. the same day..you're cute.

whattodonoonelikesme. n_n weh. whateva.







p.s.mackenzie and kaitlin. if you're reading this. we gotta get together! kay bye!

How sad is it that i'm afraid to come out of my room..

sdgjkadfhgadjkf

SO. today was really good. i promised myself i would have a good day and not let myself get mad at stupid things. and it worked.
after school i got home and asked my mom if i could borrow ralphs camera. she immediately said no. and i was like thats dumb im asking ralph. so i did and he said yes. so i took it never told her. apparently thats terrible. i got to shannons. i start having fun and she calls me. all mad and saying im a bad person. blahblahblah. i start worrying. i get super nervous and i just want to crawl into a ball and die. so i text her about 5 times trhoughout the night and she never answers me. it was ridiculous. i had such a good time but i just kept thinking about it. how frustrating. then when she picked me up, she didnt say anything. so i dont know if this is good or bad. all i know is we are having a "family meeting" on sunday. and those are NEVER good. im not excited at all. -_- ugh
ignore my face looking gross.



yeeep! night.
thanksforreading

My last post.

was so happy. and i love how one little thing can just ruin my day.

ofcourse i make brownies for shannon and they come out hard as bricks.
i tell my mom. she does nothing.
i ask her if we have tissue paper.
she says go look.
i said i did.
she said oh well.
i said what am i supposed to do?
she said i dont know! just go find something im not your slave.
etc. etc. etc.
then she goes on rambling about how i never do anything. and how i always need something and how my brothers never did any of this stuff. and thats where i break.
she always compares me to my brothers and i cant stand it.
that is the one thing that bugs me the most.
she ALWAYS compares me to them
because im different?!
OH IM SORRY IM NOT IN COLLEGE TO BE A DENTIST OR SOME SUPER AMAZING ARTIST.
shit. i'm surrounded by all these people with all this talent.
and i feel like i have none. at this point i dont even know what im here for.
i feel like i was an accident. there is no plan for me here.
i need somebody to talk to.
somebody who will understand. someone who has no talent. like me.
but theres no one. everyone has their thing. and i have nothing.
guy- cars, and dentistry
ralph- art
mom- yoga
dad- plumbing

plus. i suck at school. i mean i guess it wouldnt be as bad if i was good at school.
but i thought art would be my favorite. and the bitch hates me already.
my project is terrible compared to everyone else. i hate it.
i hate being here.
i really wish i could be gone.
i need a getaway.
i need to runaway.
i need my own apartment.
i guess im proving my mom right.
i need to much.
i dont care.
i want to get out of here.
im dying in my this body.

Yesterday and Today.

Yesterday i didnt post. But i thought i would tell you about my day anyway because honestly, it was pretty fabulous. Well. It was fabulous because art, 1st period. We had a sub. I was so happy. I hate m art teacher. She's a bitch. So our sub let us listen to our ipods while doing our art. That was GREAT! and i really miss last years art with Ms. Larocca. I love her. haha. And the rest of the day just went smoothly.
Today was good as well! We had a half day. Which means only 3 periods. Really pointless if you ask me. Why don't we just stay home? Anywho. I went home, got ready and then went to the mall with Joanna and Nadia. We had to get a.) Nadia a homecoming dress. and b.) shannon's gift. since her birthday is tomorrow.
So i got her a Where The Wild Things Are shirt, It's very cute. I also got her a Say Anything Cd. AND i'm baking her brownies. SO i feel pretty good about my gift. I'm a terrible gift giver. WEH. haha oh well. DEAL!
So now i'm baking the brownies and my dad is sleeping and i only have a little homework so i may go outside and enjoy the wonderful weather. hehee.
I will absolutely blog tomorrow. I have to admit. I wait for the moment i get to come home and just chill and blog. I'm not really sure. Maybe it's because i suck at diarys. I used to love them. But now i'm too lazy to write it all out. haha. okay well i'm gunna gooo!
byebye :)
happy october 1st.
THANKSFORREADING
p.s. i got dry shampoo and i don't think i'm gunna want to shower ever again.
i'm disgusting. :) love it.

;D