boom boom boom boom
i can feel the beat of the base drum taking over my heartbeat
tonight is going to be good
the lights shine down
i get a chill down my spine
and tap in my foot
my hips sway
my head bobs

i am so ready.

and so the cleanse begins tonight.

i feel bogged down with everything.
i want to feel light as a feather.

water will be the only thing ingested into this corpse for the time being.

starting tomorrow
im starting
over. i
should have
started at
the beginning
of the
year but
i dont
know what
happened. i
will start
loosing weight.
i will
start being
a lot
nicer. okay.
goodbye now.

"she didn't even answer me! everyone ran away from me. i'm not a fucking animal"

i'm sorry.
i can't see you like this.
it hurts.
this is the second time i've seen someone like this.
i can't handle it.
i can't.

my head is pounding.
there are tears rolling down my cheeks.
you just don't get it?
i could be falling for you.
i am almost positive i am.
i've never cried over any guy.
you're the only one.
quit putting yourself down.
you dont deserve any of that fucking shit that people you give you.
its crap.
pure fucking crap.
you don't get that everything reminds me of you.
EVERYTHING.
my room. it smells like you.
my couch. where we shared our first kiss.
gum. the way you chew that certain kind, every time.
stop telling me how great i am. it's bullshit and i don't believe it.

just hold me and tell me you're okay. that's all i want.

i don't know what to do with myself anymore.
i'm unhealthy, ungrateful, and i have no idea what i want to do with my life.

i simply cannot be myself.
i am constantly being inspired by other people.
this is a bad thing for me. i need to inspire myself.
i wish i could erase thoughts of all these other people just for a little.

i can't wait for college, if i ever make it there.
there will be freedom, and responsibility.
and by that time, i'll most likely know what i am doing with myself.

it's the new year. we are 1 & 3/4 days in.
i can change.
i need to change.