it's time.
i've reached the point where i can't take it anymore.
i've finally come to the realization of my likings.
for you.

you are always in my head.
like a clock that never stops ticking, you're there.
i can't ignore this.

come get me.

starting over isn't as easy said than done.

i'm falling back into my old ways.

help.

a new beginning.

i've decided to start a new beginning.
i do not like the person i've become.
i've sinned far too much.
i do not like myself.

it's
time
to
start
over.

.
..
.

i'm so incredibly lost.

my life.

i grew up in a house. With a mother and a father and two older brothers. everything was normal. 2 eyes, a nose, a mouth. 2 ears and 2 sturdy legs to walk the earth with. i always loved how i was and how skinny i was. middle school came along and i realized i was different i still loved myself though. then high school rolled around and i feel worse than ever. i don't feel like i am anything. i'm such a small percent in this huge school. i'm not myself. i'm not even sure who myself is. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have been copying what everyone else has done. for the past 4 or 5 years, i have not been myself. so now, finally realizing this. i am stuck. what am i supposed to do? how do i go upon finding out who i am?

i'll post more later. just my thoughts as of now.

no one knows me completely.

not even me.
i don't think anyone ever will.

i do not know what i'm saying.

the words just don't come out right.

photography is my escape.

when i'm shooting, everything goes away and i live in the moment.
over the last few months, especially.
i have fallen in a deep deep love with it.
it is something i can call mine.
whether you think i'm good or not.
it's mine.
.
.
.

I'm afraid.

of hurting someone.
of hurting you.
Do i care too much?

Is it the image?
Is it the thought that i might find someone better?

I'm as shallow as the piece of paper i scribble your name on.

Your bones

pressed so hard up against mine, i can feel every part of you.
Body heat exchanging.
In that moment, I had a small glince of hope.
Hope that maybe one i could like you as much as I once did.
You make me happy.
You're the only person that will play with my head.
I will sit there deciphering your thoughts.
I should take time to decipher my own thoughts about this whole thing.

Your fingers.
touching mine so gently.
Body heat exchanging.
Your thumb finds it's way to my knuckle, blinded, but steady.
Back and forth it moves.
Comforting me while I sit in a state of happiness, shock and fear.

sometimes i think i'll never find that special person, to love.