my hands and my feet feel dislocated.
my mind is on another planet.
my eyes, barely staying open.

i can't remember the last time.
the last time i felt a passion of someone.
a certain love.
maybe i never take a step back to realize everything i have.
maybe i need to walk away for a while to realize.
all this lust, and all this highschool business.
i despise it.
okay, i'll admit.
sometimes i enjoy it.
but it's getting old fast.
and i need strength.
i feel weak and overlooked.
no one knows my thoughts.
i can't even have a normal, well-educated, thoughtful, honest conversation with my own bestfriend.
maybe that's why i'm suffering.
i can't be honest.
i'm deeper than what everyone sees.
i wish everyone knew.

i'm done now.
goodnight.

sometimes those terrible memories come back to me when i least expect it.
i find myself hearing everything and feeling in that moment again.
it is the scariest thing.
i cry and cry and cry.


i start to think positive and how everything is okay.
but i'll never forget how i felt when i heard the news.
never.